A little stuck at the momentI honestly don't feel like I've learned anything worth noting this week. I guess I have learned quite a bit about tragedy, but I've already written all of that in my tragedy blog. Tragedy was literally the only thing we talked about all week, except for a concept called "Blogged Out" Schoenborne mentioned on Friday, so I guess I'll talk about that (disclaimer- Schoenborne did say we aren't allowed to complain in these but it's either this or nothing because I have nothing else to share :). I feel blogged out. Why do I feel like this? Blogs are supposed to be fun and spontaneous. I truly believe that for a blog to be an effective way to share ideas and still be enjoyable for the author, the blog needs to be completely voluntary. It shouldn't be forced, and the author shouldn't have to sit for 20 minutes and think about what to write beforehand. This results in blog posts that aren't true or genuine, which I'm sure no one wants to read. I'm kind of at this point. I feel like someone has forcibly squeezed passion out of me- and I don't like that. I should be able to decide when I want and how I want to use my creativity. Because currently I'm only using it for a grade, its very forced and not free flowing like it should be. Which results in choppy writing such as this. Rant over. On the positive side (because I hate people that only complain) these blogs did help me to articulate and fully realize the extent of what I learned during the week. Blogged out: https://www.collinsdictionary.com/us/submission/5521/Blogged+out I'm ChillAs I sat down on Monday to write my essay on theme (previously mentioned in week 5 post) my mind was as blank as my screen. That's basically how it stayed the entire class period. Well that's okay, I thought, I mean I have the entire week. When my week started running up though, I found myself writing entire pages in 20 minute time frames, and good ones too, with minimal revision needed. This week I learned, or realized I guess, that I really work better under large amounts of stress, and for good reason too. Now, if you expect this to be a post bashing the public school system feel free to exit the page, because I'm not going to complain about free education. On what it has done to me though, yes. Not to be overdramatic, but I've been busy since about the seventh grade. There was always something that needed to be done- papers, worksheets, studying- I was always trying to finish something, and it always seemed as if there weren't enough hours in the day. This has caused constant stress for me. It did not take long for me to realize that to be successful in this hectic school system, I would need to operate at my best under large amounts of pressure. I only realized this subconsciously, I never actually put any pressure on myself to be better in these situations, but it has worked very well. I guess you could say that I've just been training myself all this time to work this way. I think out of all the lessons I've learned through public schooling, this is probably the most important- to be cool (and successful) under pressure. While we're on the topic of stress however, here are some stress relief tips I found immensely helpful (as I said, I never learned how to get rid of stress, just how to operate under it) https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/relaxation-techniques-for-stress-relief.htm Creative writing who?I feel like I always learn the wrong lessons. Or the lessons that stick with me are far from the things my teachers prepared. Anyway, I’ve noticed that all these blog posts are quite ironic, and I’m sorry to say they aren’t changing. I’m sure my teachers would love to read a long post about my new creative writing abilities, but what I’ve really learned from AP Lit this week is the importance of keeping a journal.
First off, let me just offer some explanation for my poor instructors Schoenborne and Ben (who I’m sure by now are shaking their heads and curious to when in class they’ve ever said the word ‘journal’) and some general milieu. Since the first day of class AP Lit, we’ve been given time in class to work on creative writing. Now, it may have started off as creative writing, but as I’ve gone back and looked at my work from the last six weeks I’ve realized that my writings slowly got less creative and more real. I’ve concluded that I’ve been using this time to talk about my busy life. This fact became obvious when we were asked to present one of our creative writing pieces to be graded and I had to scramble to find something appropriate to share. This project was also a wakeup call, and I’ve promised myself to focus strictly on creative writing in creative writing. …. But I did really love keeping a journal. Not only did I get to work on my writing ability, but I now really appreciate being able to write about my life. In some respects, journaling is a coping mechanism. I love being able to recall the stressful events in my life and get them down on paper. I write them in a pretty way, go back and read them, and suddenly my stress is angsty art. Magic. Actually, now that’s sounding a dash unhealthy. Point of the post, when done in the ‘write’ way (ha), journaling is very beneficial. I found a link that I very much agree with on the topic and will post in the comments. A Lesson From My MistakeThis week my group chose the elements theme and point of view. I was assigned point of view, and chose the short story, Everyday Use by Alice Walker to study. I swiftly settled into the anecdote and was rather pleased at the number of examples I found to support my thesis on POV. I enthusiastically began highlighting and taking notes- this would be the easiest paper I ever wrote! When I was done I went back to the webpage to read the hyperlink. That’s when I realized that Everyday Use was under the element theme, not point of view.
This account goes to show (somewhat ironically) just how important point of view is. I looked for examples for point of view and that’s what I found. After, when I went back and read the story searching for indications of theme, I discovered them just as easily. Although this story of mine is rather short and silly, I can honestly say this is the first time this class has taught me a lesson I can use in something other than literature. You see, I’ve been having a very hard time being happy this school year. I have demanding classes with extensive homework, swim practice every day after school, and a part time job lifeguarding at the waterpark. Lately, with constant stress on me, it’s been very easy to look for the negatives. And boy, once I was searching for them, it was even easier to find and dwell on them. But this experience taught me that the positives are there, so why not pursue them? I for one cannot think of a single reason putting priorities on the negatives is beneficial (but if you can, feel free to comment below). A lot more is possible with a positive attitude. Not convinced? Check this out https://www.successconsciousness.com/positive_attitude.htm Passion Ignites MotivationIt's hard to do well in a subject you don’t like. This is probably the #1 reason people prefer college over high school. In high school, you are expected to perform well in topics that don't interest you. For example, do I see future me as a mathematician? No. Math doesn't interest me in the slightest. I must work extra hard in that class because I lack any kind of motivating interest. However, in college, you get to choose your favorite topics from high school and expand on those.
This concept may seem out of context, but it was very relevant for me this week. Last week's POW I absolutely hated, and trying to write an essay on it was torture. I was literally counting down minutes until the class ended. But, this week when I sat down to write a paper on 'An Elegy in X Parts' I never stopped typing. In fact, when the bell rang I was disappointed because I didn't get all my ideas down. Why was it 100% easier for me to write about this? Probably because I 100% enjoyed this poem more than last week's. There’s probably some kind of mathematic ratio there. Interest in something fuels passion, passion ignites motivation, motivation leads to learning, and learning leads to betterment. It really has a lot more to do with skill than most people recognize. A really good life hack would be to just get passionate about learning, and then everything would come easier. https://plantingmoneyseeds.com/develop-lifelong-passion-learning-rewards-brings/ Seeing the StoryPicture a deep green valley. There are a few rolling hills and scattered trees, and the sun is shining overhead. Did it work? And did you see the same picture I saw?
This week I've been thinking a lot about visual literacy and visuality in general. It's fascinating to me that two people can read the same passage and picture different things. When I'm reading, I often wonder how my mental depictions compare to what the author intended them to be. To be honest, I’ve probably never met their same image while reading. I think human brains are just too different from each other to picture the exact same image through reading, no matter how specific the descriptions are. How does knowing this impact authors’ writing and the language that they use? Does JK Rowling know that not everyone saw the same Hogwarts castle that she did? This is probably one of the most beautiful aspects of reading. That each story is different for each person, and thus leaves a different impact. Depending on the reader’s imagination and personality, the story is somewhat tailored to them. This applies to other things besides visual writing as well. Each person who reads will take something different from a story- a different moral, a different message. This is exactly why some people like books that others detest- they were both focusing on different features of the piece. Going back to the visual though, it is nearly possible to see what author's wanted their character's to look like. Using word-for-word descriptions and a new law enforcement sketch program called FACES, New York artist Brian Davis was able to show what some famous fictional characters might look like. Take a peek https://www.rd.com/culture/book-characters-real-life/ I should be quarantined for writer's block.This week, the topic we discussed that really hit me was writing in ‘your niche’ (which is ironic, since Shoenborn only said about 2 sentences about it). When writing, it’s imperative to be in a good place and mentality, and to be comfortable. This is when your ideas are best, your words most eloquent, and your writing most flowing. However sometimes, even when I’ve met all this criterion, the words just refuse come (we talked about this too). I’m certain every writer will agree with me when I say it’s probably the most aggravating feeling on Earth- knowing what I want to say but not being able to express it. For me, this occurred in its entirety during our PoW on Tennyson’s poem The Eagle. I wrote the introduction well, but when it came to the analysis I had absolutely zero to say. My concern peaked when I looked around at my desk neighbors and saw they all had at least 2 strong paragraphs. In that instance on Friday, I appreciated just how stressful writing could be. I used to think it was always easy, and with good reason, because it was always easy! I always wrote about things that I wanted to write about, agreed with, or at least could appropriately fit my opinion in somehow. This class has required me to write about things that I don’t agree with or see reasoning in. Therefore, I couldn’t think of anything to say about the poem that didn’t sound ridiculous- I didn’t think it was possible or beneficiary to analyze it further than we already had.
Nevertheless, I always enjoy a writing challenge. It is hard for me to try and develop opinions worthy noting based on topics I find useless, especially on the spot. But I’ll do my absolute best until I get better - from my understanding of this course it seems that’s the moral. And with any luck, someday those topics won’t seem so useless anymore. This site describes my condition pretty accurately and seems a good place to start. goinswriter.com/how-to-overcome-writers-block/ It doesn't get better senior year. No, really it doesn't.
But that isn't necessarily a bad thing. It just means that everything I've heard been told about it "Senior year's a blow off year!" or "You'll stop stressing out so much once you become a senior" isn't true. Maybe it's true for some who want it to be so and make it that way. But not for me. The surprising thing is, I want senior year to be challenging. I want to push myself and become better at reading, writing, science, math all of it. Heck, I enjoy the work, the stress, the satisfaction! Is that a bad thing? I remember last year being reduced to tears by all the work pushed on me by my teachers. I felt bombarded and overwhelmed with homework- especially homework on difficult topics that I just learned earlier that day. And it's not as if my school situation has changed. This year, I am taking classes that are just as difficult, if not more. But my attitude has been altered. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, I simply think, "It's time to get to work!" Is this growing up? My dad always reminds me that the right amount of stress is a good thing- it's a motivator against laziness. I think I've reached that stress sweet spot. I've learned to control it to livable, even enjoyable levels. This is the most surprising to me. That I can be, and am, as happy in the in the busy, hectic school months as in the do-nothing days of summer vacation. Does this make me a nerd? I hope not. |
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